Beautiful_adaneth's Xanga

The Word of God, and doctrine

Sun, 25 Oct 2009 06:15:25 GMT

There has been a lot of changes in my life. Through this journey of growing in my spiritual life, some of the things I have grown to trust, are not trustworthy anymore. Some of the friends that I've grown to cherish, are now far from me. And I have learned new things from the Word of God, and I never stopped learning. It has changed the way I think, my faith, and the entire way of how I live my life. I have left my church and my fellowship. Now I am beginning to feel the loneliness that comes with spreading the gospel. That comes with standing for the truth, and nothing but the truth. I can feel a little of what Paul felt in his writings, when people who were called "brothers" turned away from him, and he was all alone(1 Timothy 1:15). But still, he pressed on for the crown. The crown that he has been running for. Paul never quit, even when he was all alone. When was dragged out of the city, stoned, and left for dead, he got up again, and went back into the city to preach the Word of God (Acts 14:20). Oh how I wish I was as couragious as him.

This is what we should be doing as Christians. Be bold and courageous, spreading the gospel, so that people can hear it, and believe. Christians are so busy today doing so-called "Christian" things. Some of them are even so busy that they don't have time to share the Word of God. The only way that people can believe is by hearing the Word of God (Romans 10:17). That is why Romans 10:15 says, “ How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the gospel of peace, Who bring glad tidings of good things!”.

Pauls says in Romans 1:16
¹⁶ For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ, for it is the power of God to salvation for everyone who believes, for the Jew first and also for the Greek.

And might I ask how many of us are ashamed of Him on a daily basis? Ashamed to be seen praying in public. Ashamed to sharing the gospel with our friends when the Spirit has prompted us. Even ashamed at times to let our employers or teachers or leaders know that we are. We all have been guilty of this, I know. If not in words, then in our hearts, we have.

There is nothing else that saves, you guys. A person needs to hear the gospel, so that they can have faith and believe in God. It is our duty to spread the gospel to all people.

It's about time we take up what Paul wrote to Timothy.

2 Timothy 1:7-9

⁷For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.

⁸So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord, or ashamed of me his prisoner. But join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God, ⁹who has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time, ...

Most important of all, how can you spread the gospel as a Christian if you don't even know thet gospel? Every Christian is suppose to be continuingly growing in the Word of God. The Word of God teaches us who God is, what His will is, and how we should go about living in it.

Christians are not free to do whatever they want. Sure they do human things, but their mind should be Christ-like. We live in the Spirit, not in the flesh. Do not let your flesh consume your life.

Romans 8:5

⁵ For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit.

Do not continue to live wordly as the rest of the world. We do not set our minds on things of this world, but of things in kingdom of God.

James 4:4-6

⁴You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. ⁵Or do you think Scripture says without reason that the spirit he caused to live in us envies intensely?^[a^] ⁶But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:
"God opposes the proud
but gives grace to the humble."^[b^]

So what do Paul say to this?:

Galatians 5:16-21
¹⁶ I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. ¹⁷ For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish. ¹⁸ But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.
¹⁹ Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery,^[ fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, ²⁰ idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, ²¹ envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.

We are all human and we all have sin:

Ecclesiates 7:10

²⁰ For there is not a just man on earth who does good
And does not sin.

But if you are in Christ, you are a new creature, and therefore you will not continue to live a life of sin. If you call yourself a Christian, but find yourself living in a continous life a sin, you must examine yourself again. Because the Word of God say whoever born of God, cannot continue sinning.

1 John 3:9

⁹ Whoever has been born of God does not sin, for His seed remains in him; and he cannot sin, because he has been born of God.

Galatains 5:24

²⁴ And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. ²⁵ If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. ²⁶ Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.

We should know the gospel we are preaching! How do we know? By studying the Word of God, so we will not be as Ephesians 4 says" that we should no longer be children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men,..." Anyone who do not know God's Word will not know truth from untruth, and will not be able to stand up from the Truth against falsehood.

Many people still do not know what they believe in, or the doctrines taught to us from God's Word even though they have claimed Christ for a long time. A lot of us are still confused with doctrine, and what God's Word allows or do not allow. This is milk, and we have not grown to take in food.

Hebrews 5
¹² For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you again the first principles of the oracles of God; and you have come to need milk and not solid food. ¹³ For everyone who partakes only of milk is unskilled in the word of righteousness, for he is a babe. ¹⁴ But solid food belongs to those who are of full age, that is, those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil.

We should continue growing in His Word, so that we can take in solid food, know the foundations of our faith, and be able to spread the gospel. By taking solid food, we will be able to know Truth from untruth, and know how to discern both good and evil, and that is by knowing the Word of God. How can we go on to teach others when we do not even know the foundations of our faith, the doctrines and principles we shall live by that the bible teaches? Some people are even puzzled that we use the bible to give us doctrine to live by and believe. Doctrine is the similar to "teaching."

John 7:16

Jesus answered them and said, “My doctrine is not Mine, but His who sent Me.

Romans 16:17

Now I urge you, brethren, note those who cause divisions and offenses, contrary to the doctrine which you learned, and avoid them.

1 Timothy 4:6

If you instruct the brethren in these things, you will be a good minister of Jesus Christ, nourished in the words of faith and of the good doctrine which you have carefully followed.

1 Timothy 4:13

Till I come, give attention to reading, to exhortation, to doctrine.

1 Timothy 4:16

Take heed to yourself and to the doctrine. Continue in them, for in doing this you will save both yourself and those who hear you.

Now there is no question whether we should use the doctrine in the bible in our daily lives. We are to live by them, and learn and know them. Doctrine is important. Because only the Truth shall set people free. And in order for them to be free, they have to hear the Words of Truth and believe.

-Adaneth

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Sun, 25 Oct 2009 06:11:04 GMT

Pauls says in Romans 1:16
¹⁶ For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ, for it is the power of God to salvation for everyone who believes, for the Jew first and also for the Greek.

There is nothing else that saves, you guys. A person needs to hear the gospel, so that they can have faith and believe in God. It is our duty to spread the gospel to all people.

It's about time we take up what Paul wrote to Timothy.

2 Timothy 1:7-9

⁷For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.

Christians are not free to do whatever they want. Sure they do human things, but their mind should be Christ-like. We live in the Spirit, not in the flesh. Do not let your flesh consume your life.

Romans 8:5

⁵ For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit.

Do not continue to live wordly as the rest of the world. We do not set our minds on things of this world, but of things in kingdom of God.

James 4:4-6

⁴You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. ⁵Or do you think Scripture says without reason that the spirit he caused to live in us envies intensely?^[a] ⁶But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:
"God opposes the proud
but gives grace to the humble."^[b]

So what do Paul say to this?:

We are all human and we all have sin:

Ecclesiates 7:10

²⁰ For there is not a just man on earth who does good
And does not sin.

1 John 3:9

⁹ Whoever has been born of God does not sin, for His seed remains in him; and he cannot sin, because he has been born of God.

Galatains 5:24

John 7:16

Jesus answered them and said, “My doctrine is not Mine, but His who sent Me.

Romans 16:17

Now I urge you, brethren, note those who cause divisions and offenses, contrary to the doctrine which you learned, and avoid them.

1 Timothy 4:6

If you instruct the brethren in these things, you will be a good minister of Jesus Christ, nourished in the words of faith and of the good doctrine which you have carefully followed.

1 Timothy 4:13

Till I come, give attention to reading, to exhortation, to doctrine.

1 Timothy 4:16

Take heed to yourself and to the doctrine. Continue in them, for in doing this you will save both yourself and those who hear you.

-Adaneth

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Sat, 18 Oct 2008 08:17:58 GMT

It's 2:14am. My life is a mess! I really need to get off night shift. I'm really a night owl now...having no life in the day. Yesterday I didn't go to sleep until 5am and I woke up at 4pm today. It's like a cycle that's hard to stop. And I'm suppose to wake up tomorrow early too.

Anywase, thanks for your words of encouragment everyone. I didn't talk to my boss yet, I spoke to my sis, and she said that the mistake I made was not something incredibly serious that I should cry over. I feel really relieved. I pray that I will not be stupid enough to make the same mistake again!

Anyways....what I learn: The more you rush, the more probability of mistakes being made.

So I will tell myself to not rush anymore. Have a great night. And have a great Sabbath. Praise the Lord.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Thu, 16 Oct 2008 08:49:01 GMT

It's 2:45 in the morning. I tried to watch movies on Netflix to make me feel better. Actually I wanted to go do something...like go to the movies to make me feel better. To get my mind off of things.

I wrote this earlier" A sadness had come over me today. I made a mistake. The day was going so good. It was too good. Have you ever had a time when you tought that your feet was safe in the door. When you think that things are going fine,and then all of a sudden when you're not aware, it hits you ....and you feel as if everything might just crumble down? I feel like that today. Made me kind of sick too. Now's it's gotten to a be me pondering on and on about it, and I have this sick bitter sensation in my stomach. Father take it all. I have nothing but You.

I wonder who's awake right now. In times like this I just want to go and sit on a curb and watch the sunrise by myself. Maybe cry a little by myself in the country side. Or take a drive on the highway to nowhere listening to Nora Jones sing. In times like this I feel so lonesome and there is an emptiness in my heart."

I find that Xanga helps me the most when I am sad or lonely or broken. It's where I come to spill my problems, life, stories, arguments, and my feelings.

I'm developing cold sores. I got a little sick today and that just made the whole thing worse.

I'm afriad I could lose everything, and at the same time, I'm not because I have God. It's weird. Assurance with fear peeking in once and often today. Overall I know that I will be okay in the long run, I'm just thinking about the short run now and am bothered by it. Please pray for me that no one is hurt in my mistakes. And that people will be honest and helpful. Pray that God will fully take care of the situation and that I will trust that He will and leave it all to Him.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Tue, 23 Sep 2008 05:47:53 GMT

I'm sick of churches and self-proclaiming "Christians" who cannot stand the fact that they are not suppose to celebrate Halloween. So in order to satisfy their itchiness for worldy and evil desires, they make up other events that they proclaim is "NOT" Halloween......but looks everything like it...with just a little hint of GOD put in. Which is suppose to make it all better. And the church will do this on Halloween because their believers are so disobedient to God's will and desires that they think that if they don't have a similar event, then everyone will be trick or treating. Since when did this evil leak into the churches throughout America and elsewhere???

What kind of Christians do this? Since when did Jesus become like the world for people to accept Him? When did He want to give out candy so that children will come and listen to Him? I really cannot imagine Jesus getting dress in a Batman suit at church celebrating a "christian" Halloween event.....Or Jesus wearing a costume of Clinton, or the Ripper or Jason or the devil or even an angel?

Come on you guys! What am I suppose to do? Read out the history of Halloween for you guys? You should know these things. You should know it celebrates evils. It's not hard to understand. Even non-believers understand it! The word of God is crystal clear about staying away from evil and anything that even looks evil.

It's not hard to believe that Halloween is one of those evils. I have shame. So much. For people who claim to be brothers and sisters yet their house is filled with this wordly and evil stuff. They even dressed their kids up for it and think it's so "cute." I can't change anyone's mind. Get made at me, but we know what God desires. It's not hard, every bit of it is written in ink.

It really bothers me. I yearn and my spirit is crying to find the true church and body of Christ. They're out there somewhere. One that will obey Him and follow His desires, not be swayed by worldly thinking or traditions or cultures. Not dance joyfully, partying and practicing things that the Lord had warn never to have anything to do with. Don't you know that God hates sorcerey, evil spirits, demons, witches, any kind of evil act and activity. But so-called "Christians" parade with the unsaved on streets at night, even dressing their kids up in costumes of fairies, ghosts, demons, cartoon characters...and very stupid costumes to celebrate a night that represents everything the Lord detests. Is the blood of Christ nothing to you that you will go and celebrate the evil that brought us death. The very thing that our Lord has been sacrified for, to break our chains, those that had kept us in bondage. Think about it. When you have a part in Halloween, are you pleasing God or Satan?

Long and hard I've struggled to find people who will stand only in the Word of God....and I've seen so few. People hate people like that. They hate them because they are convicted inside by what the Word says and they know it. So therefore they hate the righteous, those who try living their life in line with God's Word.

I hate Halloween! I have partook in it since I was a child. And it tricked me. It was a lie straight from the Devil. I would think that it was funny to scare someone or to wear the mast of "satan" or the "devil." What in the world was I thinking? What were my parents thinking?

If you take part in these things, how can I call you my brother or sister? If you partake of what Satan tries to glorify himself with, who are you?

Father I am ashamed. Ashamed at what your children engage theirselves in these days. I've been seeking to find a family to belong to. But the church is scattered throughout the world. How did this lie enter into churches? What are You thinking?

May Christians stand this Halloween and proclaim You Father, and not satisfy him the father of lies. Him who laugh because your children are so foolish. May they resist the desire to be worldly, to be counted-in, to be cool, or scary this Halloween.....if not then, may they not proclaim themselves to be followers of Jesus Christ if they are not Yours. Help us to not cause another to stumble. Help us to humble ourselves and keep our eyes focused on you no matter how much "fun" the world is having or how "desirable" it seems. I know that you say these things past away but Your Word will live forever.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Fri, 12 Sep 2008 17:27:46 GMT

There you go you guys...September 11th past by once again without any problems. I was watching a show on 9/11 and it made me so sad. I still remember the exact location I was when it happened! We were being fully attacked and all of our major headquaters were being aimed for. I really though we were going into full blown war. What if they hit the white house??? Things would have been different maybe America would be a wasteland today if they did.

Anyways the thing that make me cry the most was seeing the people jump from the twin towers. I remember that they were showing the video camcording just some time after the twin towers got hit. And I saw and woman and a man holding hands, and they jumped. My body was filled with so many emotions....thoughts of their salvation, and thoughts of why they jumped, and was it the only way? Thoughts of what were going through their minds. It was just sooo sad. And then thoughts of what I would do if I was in their shoes. I remember thinking "Justice! We will get justice!"

Everyone I know is mostly voting for Obama. But because of abortion, gay marriage, and Israel, I am voting for McCain. McCain's tells the world his views and they are similar to my values. I am pro-life and I think marriage should be between one man and one woman only. That is totally separate from a civil union. And I think we should keep finding this enemy who killed our people. The truth is that Muslims hate Israel, and they hate Christians and also they hate Americans. If you don't believe that Muslims hate America....you have to be dumb. Haven't you guys been watching the news several years ago about their disgust of sin and lust in America? I've seen this hatred with my own eyes on live TV and have seen some of them burn our flag. It got to the point of ridiculous. They can burn our flag...but whenever some person does something like that in our country they would blow up and get so angry as to start war. Anyways they hate Christians....if you don't believe me...then you need to seriously do some research. Because it's found in their Koran that Christians, Jews and Gentiles are bad and do not follow their god. I know some muslims, not all muslims are this extreme and hate America. But extreme religious ones do, the fundamentalist Muslims. Muslims may hate abortion, homosexuality, sexual lust, etc...but the most important thing is that the Koran allows them to kill Jews and Gentiles (which definitely includes America). It teaches for them to not kill other Muslims...but says nothing about them killing others. Anyway, that should be evident because of the suicide bombmers.

If you are a Christian you should know these words. Whoever blesses Israel, I will bless. But whoever curses Israel, I will curse. God said those Words in Genesis 12:3 (paraphrased). And if you read your bible you will know that He does what He says.

Yes, our enemies are getting stronger. By everything that is going on, their goal is to take down Israel first, then Christians, and then Americans.

This is extra, in case you haven't noticed, Obama has a muslim name. Muslim names are given to Muslims and others. I know that Muslims honor these names, that's why they name their children this. People who honor Mohammad name their children Mohammad. This is all I will say, cuz as for now I know nothing more. I know that he is smart and a strong political leader. But I don't know if he is a Muslim or not...but IF he is then, God help us and if he becomes president then we Americans are doomed. That's the reality of a Muslim running America. I don't know, I'm just gathering facts right now....all of you should do that if you're voting.

Again I vote for McCain because he stands for the rights of an unborn child, for marriage only between a man and a woman and I don't know, but I hope he stands for Israel.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Wed, 10 Sep 2008 21:07:26 GMT

Throughout this week God has shown me the parable of the 10 virgins in Matthew 25 about five times. It has now dawned on me and gotten into my thick head that the Holy Spirit wants me get these verses in my face and meditate on them and have an understanding of them. I've just visited a friend's site and that was the 5th time the Holy Spirit reminded me of this verse. I'm kind of in a panic to share the Word now. How foolish I have been my Lord for not devoting my life to your Word. The first time that I fell upon this parable was probably this past Thursday and I flipped opened my bible and my eyes landed on the verses, the second time was this Friday as I stumbled across this website that was discussing specifically about this parable, the third time was this Sunday when an elder spoke on this parable, the forth time was today at 7:30 am as I was driving home and a man on a Christian channel spoke on this parable, and the fifth time was today at 2:17pm as I was reminded of this parable when my cousin wrote about Matthew 25. Man I'm in a panic now. Do you know what this parable means? You have to go and read it! It's the parable of the 10 virgins in Matthew 25: 1-13. It talks about how Christ will take some Christians and to the rest who claim themselves to be Christians, He will say "I never knew you." It's making me panic to share the Word of God NOW. This is scary, but I thank God for this urgency. Because I will never share the Word of God completely as I want to until I have this urgent feeling that time is almost up. And it may be almost up. But needed this. I want to go out now and start sharing. What if Christ came right now?....man o man...sorry God for I am dissappointing...a light that does not show others the way, salt that is not so salty at all. (tearing up). Make me strong Father, keep this feeling of urgency in my heart and remind me of it 24/7 so that I will share the Word as if it was the last moment. I am afraid that people will die without knowing you, but I never really did anything these past days to proclaim your Word to them, and I'm sorry. Give me the courage and the strength to stand in criticism and hatred. Give me the heart Father to love these people Father, I love myself. You know I would tell them the Truth if I loved them, You know it. I would never ever want to go to hell for eternity without knowing that I had a Savior and a God who loves me. Make me think about how they would feel if they were in eternity without you. Make me think and ponder about how they will reach out to you and how You will deny them because they never knew You. How much would that hurt if you did that to me. Help me to love them Lord, so that will pick them up and kiss them even if they hurt me and curse me. Forgive them for their trepasses agaisnt you Lord for they know not that You are the Lord of all creation and curse of sin is death. God give me strenght to stand up like this until you come or until I die. Don't let me lose sight of You, NEVER and EVER! (sniff, sniff). This strenght is not my own. I need you.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Fri, 29 Aug 2008 09:15:04 GMT

Life is so short, your life passes you by in a glimsp. And those trophies that you've won, your diplomas and liscenses...they mean nothing. Thrown in the trash, collecting dust. I've been thinking. I'm wondering if my friend at the care home is still alive. I haven't seen her in so long. I'm kind of scared of going back. What if she is dead and I have face the truth? People you love dissappear like a drop of rain in the desert.

I'm glad that I have somewhere else to look forward to after I die. This life is beautiful and painful at times. But every rosebud and every butterfly must die. Sweet childhood memories will be gone. One day I will become an orphan..and the next...I will be taking my last breath. I'm kind of scared. My grandma is really old now, and my parents are getting older. I cannot imagine living without my mom or dad. It's just something you feel is invincible.

When I was a teenager I always felt invincible. It was a part of my psychological stage of development. As a child I never ever stressed about anything. I never worried about making money, paying the bills. My mom would always look at us when we play and say in a chanting voice, "Ohhh you children, I wish I was like you, you never know how to worry." I wish it was like those days. I only knew peace and joy at that time. My demands were so simple, "I want ice cream, I want to play, I want to drink cool-aid, Can we watch Cinderella." I never knew life would be so hard and so different.

I'm glad I wasn't proud when I graduated. I didn't care for my degree, the audience clapping and yelling with joy. My mom and sisters were so proud of me and thought I was stupid for being like that. I could care less. I knew that I deserved it, because God gave it to me. Nothing I did, but all God. So the applauding and proudness, and all the balloons, tinsels, and flowers, and blah blah blah made me just disgusted. I was kind of in a gloom and my parents were so dissappointed that I wasn't beaming. What for? I could imagine hanging my head low at the ceremony. I hated it! I hated everyone's pride! I hated how everyone was congratulating me when they didn't even know how much God had to put up with me. The strings he pulled, the times He had to wake me up so I wouldn't miss my classes or the times He pushed me to study, study, study. The courage He gave me when I wanted to run out of clinical, the patience He gave me when I wanted to punch out the guy who was cursing God all that time I was in nursing. All this and I was the hero at the end. I wanted to throw my diploma on the ground and step on it until it was dust. Everyone was so happy they looked like they were on the moon. (They weren't that happy...but it magnified because of how much I hated their pride). Even people I know so little were more friendly and nice to me than before. Even people who hated me were forced to be nice to me and want to be my friend. Grrrr....

I hate it when people know what I do. When people introduce me to others, they'd tell them I'm a nurse. What'd you do that for???? I really want them to like me or hate me for who I really am...

Now, I'm glad. Because if I have so much pride and so much happiness in things like trophies, diplomas, and credentials...what would happen if they were gone. That would bring me saddness.

Now my mom is losing her house. In a way I'm glad. Don't think I'm evil. Think of the way God would think of it. It was her pride. Something that she could show off to her friends. It was her standing. Something that classified her in a class higher than the ghetto around her. It was her sweat and blood. I'm serious! SWEAT and BLOOD. Sometimes I see it was what she wanted more than God.

But at the same time I'm sorry. I don't want her to be poor. I don't want her to lose her house, one thing that she has fought so hard to gain. But I told her, Mom, you don't need that house. Be happy with what God has given you. God will take care of you. I'm here, and all my older brothers and sisters are here. What are you afraid of? And this is the time I thank God that I don't live in a house. Or that I don't own a house at this time. I really want to. But my dreams of a house are so materialistic. They are really bad motivations. So I thank God, because I can help her out if she does loses her house. I will have money to spare. This is the glory I share in with God. God has blessed me with this because I've listened to Him. He said I don't need a really nice car or really nice home....and everyone else have been making a laughingstock out of me because I work as a nurse but have no cars, pools, or houses to show for it. I am not laughing at them for coming to me now...but I have open arms to receive them. I know my mom knows now. She's always the one yelling at me for living in this small apartment. And now I'm telling her she can live with me or that I will help them out what I can. My heart goes out for these people. They're lost in their wealth and greed for money. My sister makes more money than a doctor and she is in debt. I cannot believe my ears when I heard that. I mean she's able to pay for her bills, but why would you have so much bills making that money? I cannot believe it. It's that stupid house of hers. Their pride and joy I guess. It is pretty nice...but we need to focus so that we are not living our lives slaving for the things that we buy. She can't even help my mom. She has helped my mom in a lot of ways though, but what can we do? Pay off thousands of dollars? I love her and my mom, but they make such bad choices. Yet, I'm amazed at how humble I am (gotta be careful here because I don't want to be prideful)....but I am humble. I think it's all the Holy Spirit though. He was telling me to hold my toungue. And not to be quick to point when others have confessed. Mom, I said, these things are here today and gone tomorrow. God says He will throw everything in the fire.

I want to save her house, but second thinking because it is her pride...and that's all it is now. I'm stuck. I really feel bad, but the truth is she can't pay off this house because she has her pride in another thing she wants to own...and it's in conflict. Why should I feed this pride?...If in the case to be obedient...yes maybe...but for other reasons...no.

I don't know what to do anymore. I live in this hole in a wall, devoted to paying off my loans so I wouldn't be a slave to debt...and here I am deciding if I should pay off other people's debt because they wanted those things too. Awyah.!.. Patience, my soul....

Please...I'm not mad at my parents or anyone...just fustrated of the situation...I mean I guess they can't help it....they've been poor all their lives. I just don't want them to keep having the idea that owning something like a home or something will give a sense of wealth or show that you have something. It's good to have it, but those stuff are not gonna last forever. This house will not bring peace and joy. Awyah!

I hope I'm not gonna become stingy now...or point fingers...may God give me strength. Because it's really hard to give away money to people who told you to waste it in the first place. Lord, give me strength.

And I will be praying for my family. We've been homeless before, and it was so sad. I know my siblings will be effected by this. Whatever the case, I put everyting in God's hands and that He will use this to glorify Him only. I want to glorify Him in all I do, weither I am poor or rich. Happy or sad. He, the God of Glory, His praise is due.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Wed, 27 Aug 2008 16:36:16 GMT

This is a comment I posted in someone's post in ReveLife about why we wear or don't wear crosses:

[ I don't wear it a lot. And I don't like to wear it a lot anymore. It really doesn't remind me of Jesus dying on the cross. Anytime I see someone wearing a cross...the first things that come to mind are "Oh, she/he's a Christians." or "oh, it's just their style." I would wear it if the first thing that came to my mind was, "Jesus died on the cross for me." So if I tell others that I wear because of that, then I'd be lying. I don't wear it often. I actually have about 5 cross necklaces (some are gold/diamond) and one pair of cross earrings.

Reasons why I don't wear it as often as I did:

-I don't really think I need a cross to remind me of Jesus' death, and it doesn't.

-Besides a lot of people think that the cross and the Roman soldiers, or the Jews were the ones to kill Jesus. But if you read the Bible, God was the one to kill and sacrifice His own Son for us, so that we wouldn't have to pay the price for our sins. Jesus, like a lamb, was willingly lead to be slaughter. He did not think of Himself, but about glorifying the Father. Therefore, the cross is nothing more than the place that our Lord hung for us. The cross is actually a cursed thing. (Deuteronomy 21:23). The Bible says that Jesus became a curse for us. It makes me sad thinking that my God had to kill His own son in my place. However am glad at the same time, because Jesus conquered death, is now at the right hand of my Father, and is my Salvation.

-Some people pray to the cross, and therefore it is, and has been a huge idol in our society and across the world. Yes, people who call themselves "Christians" do this too. And that does not glorify God. We are to pray and worship God only.

-I want people to know I am a Christian by how I live, by how I act, etc....not because I wear a cross.

-I want people to see me do good things and then find out later that I am a Christian...rather than them seeing the cross I wear and expecting me to do good all the time. It feels good for me to see others do good and find out later that they are Christians too.

-And my worst reason is: I am sinner and my works are as filthy rags. And if I wear a cross and behave badly (yes, Christians sin too), that might make others stumble in their faith in God. I really don't want to live trying to follow Christ everyday just because I fear they will judge me as a Christian because I'm wearing a cross. However I should live like that because I fear God as my Creator and Lord, and I want to glorify Him and want Him to say to me, "Well done, good and faithful servant." ]

Even though I judge Christians on other things. Wearing a cross is something I don't judge Christians for. It's basically a individual choice. Wearing actually doesn't commit a sin in itself. I guess just what people think about it or do with it can become a sin. I don't really care about that fishy sign too, although I think it's cute and has important historical background.

Same as things with drinking and smoking. As long as they don't get drunk and wild in public, or cause others to stumble or sin...I believe that's their decision, they have to discuss with God about it.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Fri, 22 Aug 2008 16:02:06 GMT

Warning: I'm here to VENT:

I've been stressed out lately. Yesterday I sent an email out to my Christian friends about a decision that I've made. I'm very sad, but very glad at the same time. Glad that I finally broke through and told them something that the Spirit has been convicting me for a while now. A friend commented in a rude email back to me. He didn't mean to be rude, but his comments stated that I was using the Holy Spirit as an excuse for my decision. I was really hurt you guys. It's not really a decision I wanted to make in the first place, that's why I waited so long to change, to listen to Him, to finally yield. Just because something is a job to be done for God, that doesn't mean it's automatically you who are suppose to do it right?...I mean, sure take out the trash...anyone can do that...or mow the lawn or set up chairs for the congregation....that's okay. But I'm talking about things that separate woman and men. Things that are more appropriate for women to do with women and for men to do with men. Well, the important thing was that the Holy Spirit convicted ME, not him. And he was upset at me for being convicted. I'm stuck in the middle. Could Satan be using this guy to do his dirty work or what? The Spirit says one thing...he says the other. I know it's the Spirit. I hear Him many times. What I've been doing had become a stumbling block to my ministry unto others. So that's why I stopped. The conviction was getting stronger, to the point I felt that my heart was crushing at times. I felt so glad when I decided to stop doing it...but then a lie in the back of my head was telling me...what if no does this work for God??.....Then I remembered a lesson I have learned before...God is not so small that He cannot send anyone He wants to do His job. If I cannot do His job, and if it is in His will, He will send Others. Praise the Lord, for He is great, He does not depend on me or anyone to carry out His will. He could send thousands of angels to do His will right now if He wanted to. Like any other job....God calls the right person to do it. That is why I am satisfied with my decision. Just because it was a great job, a great priviledge, that doesn't mean I'm the right person to do it. And one of the most important thing is because when I do it, I can make others stumble. I am happy about my decision. But sad about what my friend said. I was just trying to sqeeze tears out of my eye this morning. They were like drops sqeezed from my eyes, but not running. That's because I had a bad day at work also. My coworker is one of the worst. He does nothing to help anyone else, but expects everyone to say "thank you" to everything he does that he is suppose to be doing already, because it's his job to do them. Like he would just say..."I just medicated rm 29"....Well, yeah, it's your patients...but thanks for telling me. Or he'd say "I just changed rm 30"....well, yeah..,.and why are you telling me for?????? He even expects me to be thanking him for doing things he's suppose to be doing!!!!!!! It's driving me nuts!!!! And when I'm frequently busy flying around the hospital like I have wings...he'll sit down and talk to me....not a short story...but loooooonng....like I have forever on my hands. And of course it's rude, because he's not doing much! Like he could not see that I'm frantically flipping through papers trying to get things done. And I hate being rude too...so I try to at least look at him when he speaks to me. Ahhh....I pray for God to give me the courage and the strength to work with this man! When I delegate something to him...he'll say "I'm busy now, maybe when I'm done." "Or I haven't even got this done yet!" What the heck! I'm pissed! I cannot delegate anything to him! It's not like I'm asking him to immediately drop what he's doing and do what I asked him! What a jerk! He takes a break at the most busiest time without asking anyone if anyone has had their break yet...and if it's a good time to break yet. Doesn't work around our schedule but his only! He makes me pissed today. And then today he was basically talking very loud to me. We got into a confrontation at the last minute before work was out...and he's like "I'm gonna talk to the supervisor about this." What an idiot. Man. And I'm sadly scheduled to work with him again tomorrow. Don't you feel sorry for me? He doesn't do his job at all. I never ask him to do anything because I knew he'd be like this....that's why my work load is twice as heavy and he just dances around the nurses station talking about his weekend, his car, dogss...blah blah. Seriously if he has so much time to talk, maybe he could just grab some work and get them done so I wouldn't have to work extra and stay late. I'm pissed. I had to cut my lunch short and say an hour later to finish my charting. What a bunch of no good! Everything was a mess!!!!

Stressed out. Don't know if I'll be able to sleep for several hrs before I go back to work. Man! God help me.