It's 2:45 in the morning.  I tried to watch movies on Netflix to make me feel better.  Actually I wanted to go do something...like go to the movies to make me feel better.  To get my mind off of things.

I wrote this earlier"  A sadness had come over me today.  I made a mistake.  The day was going so good.  It was too good.  Have you ever had a time when you tought that your feet was safe in the door. When you think that things are going fine,and then all of a sudden when you're not aware, it hits you ....and you feel as if everything might just crumble down? I feel like that today.  Made me kind of sick too.  Now's it's gotten to a be me pondering on and on about it, and I have this sick bitter sensation in my stomach.  Father take it all.  I have nothing but You.

I wonder who's awake right now.  In times like this I just want to go and sit on a curb and watch the sunrise by myself.  Maybe cry a little by myself in the country side.  Or take a drive on the highway to nowhere listening to Nora Jones sing.  In times like this I feel so lonesome and there is an emptiness in my heart."

I find that Xanga helps me the most when I am sad or lonely or broken.  It's where I come to spill my problems, life, stories, arguments, and my feelings. 

I'm developing cold sores.  I got a little sick today and that just made the whole thing worse. 

I'm afriad I could lose everything, and at the same time, I'm not because I have God.  It's weird.  Assurance with fear peeking in once and often today.  Overall I know that I will be okay in the long run, I'm just thinking about the short run now and am bothered by it.  Please pray for me that no one is hurt in my mistakes.  And that people will be honest and helpful.  Pray that God will fully take care of the situation and that I will trust that He will and leave it all to Him.