It's 2:14am.  My life is a mess!  I really need to get off night shift.  I'm really a night owl now...having no life in the day.  Yesterday I didn't go to sleep until 5am and I woke up at 4pm today.  It's like a cycle that's hard to stop.  And I'm suppose to wake up tomorrow early too.

Anywase, thanks for your words of encouragment everyone.  I didn't talk to my boss yet, I spoke to my sis, and she said that the mistake I made was not something incredibly serious that I should cry over.  I feel really relieved.  I pray that I will not be stupid enough to make the same mistake again! 

Anyways....what I learn:  The more you rush, the more probability of mistakes being made.

So I will tell myself to not rush anymore. Have a great night.  And have a great Sabbath.  Praise the Lord.

It's 2:45 in the morning.  I tried to watch movies on Netflix to make me feel better.  Actually I wanted to go do something...like go to the movies to make me feel better.  To get my mind off of things.

I wrote this earlier"  A sadness had come over me today.  I made a mistake.  The day was going so good.  It was too good.  Have you ever had a time when you tought that your feet was safe in the door. When you think that things are going fine,and then all of a sudden when you're not aware, it hits you ....and you feel as if everything might just crumble down? I feel like that today.  Made me kind of sick too.  Now's it's gotten to a be me pondering on and on about it, and I have this sick bitter sensation in my stomach.  Father take it all.  I have nothing but You.

I wonder who's awake right now.  In times like this I just want to go and sit on a curb and watch the sunrise by myself.  Maybe cry a little by myself in the country side.  Or take a drive on the highway to nowhere listening to Nora Jones sing.  In times like this I feel so lonesome and there is an emptiness in my heart."

I find that Xanga helps me the most when I am sad or lonely or broken.  It's where I come to spill my problems, life, stories, arguments, and my feelings. 

I'm developing cold sores.  I got a little sick today and that just made the whole thing worse. 

I'm afriad I could lose everything, and at the same time, I'm not because I have God.  It's weird.  Assurance with fear peeking in once and often today.  Overall I know that I will be okay in the long run, I'm just thinking about the short run now and am bothered by it.  Please pray for me that no one is hurt in my mistakes.  And that people will be honest and helpful.  Pray that God will fully take care of the situation and that I will trust that He will and leave it all to Him. 

I'm sick of churches and self-proclaiming "Christians" who cannot stand the fact that they are not suppose to celebrate Halloween.  So in order to satisfy their itchiness for worldy and evil desires, they make up other events that they proclaim is "NOT" Halloween......but looks everything like it...with just a little hint of GOD put in.  Which is suppose to make it all better.  And the church will do this on Halloween because their believers are so disobedient to God's will and desires that they think that if they don't have a similar event, then everyone will be trick or treating.  Since when did this evil leak into the churches throughout America and elsewhere???

What kind of Christians do this?  Since when did Jesus become like the world for people to accept Him?  When did He want to give out candy so that children will come and listen to Him?  I really cannot imagine Jesus getting dress in a Batman suit at church celebrating a "christian" Halloween event.....Or Jesus wearing a costume of Clinton, or the Ripper or Jason or the devil or even an angel?

Come on you guys!  What am I suppose to do?  Read out the history of Halloween for you guys?  You should know these things.  You should know it celebrates evils.  It's not hard to understand.  Even non-believers understand it!  The word of God is crystal clear about staying away from evil and anything that even looks evil.

It's not hard to believe that Halloween is one of those evils.  I have shame.  So much.  For people who claim to be brothers and sisters yet their house is filled with this wordly and evil stuff.  They even dressed their kids up for it and think it's so "cute."  I can't change anyone's mind.  Get made at me, but we know what God desires.  It's not hard, every bit of it is written in ink. 

It really bothers me.  I yearn and my spirit is crying to find the true church and body of Christ.  They're out there somewhere.  One that will obey Him and follow His desires, not be swayed by worldly thinking or traditions or cultures.  Not dance joyfully, partying and practicing things that the Lord had warn never to have anything to do with.  Don't you know that God hates sorcerey, evil spirits, demons, witches, any kind of evil act and activity.  But so-called "Christians" parade with the unsaved on streets at night, even dressing their kids up in costumes of fairies, ghosts, demons, cartoon characters...and very stupid costumes to celebrate a night that represents everything the Lord detests.  Is the blood of Christ nothing to you that you will go and celebrate the evil that brought us death.  The very thing that our Lord has been sacrified for, to break our chains, those that had kept us in bondage.  Think about it.  When you have a part in Halloween, are you pleasing God or Satan?

Long and hard I've struggled to find people who will stand only in the Word of God....and I've seen so few.  People hate people like that.  They hate them because they are convicted inside by what the Word says and they know it.  So therefore they hate the righteous, those who try living their life in line with God's Word.

I hate Halloween!  I have partook in it since I was a child.  And it tricked me.  It was a lie straight from the Devil.  I would think that it was funny to scare someone or to wear the mast of "satan" or the "devil."  What in the world was I thinking?  What were my parents thinking?   

If you take part in these things, how can I call you my brother or sister?  If you partake of what Satan tries to glorify himself with, who are you?

Father I am ashamed.  Ashamed at what your children engage theirselves in these days.  I've been seeking to find a family to belong to.  But the church is scattered throughout the world.  How did this lie enter into churches?  What are You thinking? 

May Christians stand this Halloween and proclaim You Father, and not satisfy him the father of lies.  Him who laugh because your children are so foolish.  May they resist the desire to be worldly, to be counted-in, to be cool, or scary this Halloween.....if not then, may they not proclaim themselves to be followers of Jesus Christ if they are not Yours.  Help us to not cause another to stumble.  Help us to humble ourselves and keep our eyes focused on you no matter how much "fun" the world is having or how "desirable" it seems.  I know that you say these things past away but Your Word will live forever. 

There you go you guys...September 11th past by once again without any problems.  I was watching a show on 9/11 and it made me so sad.  I still remember the exact location I was when it happened!  We were being fully attacked and all of our major headquaters were being aimed for.  I really though we were going into full blown war.  What if they hit the white house???  Things would have been different maybe America would be a wasteland today if they did.

  Anyways the thing that make me cry the most was seeing the people jump from the twin towers.  I remember that they were showing the video camcording just some time after the twin towers got hit.  And I saw and woman and a man holding hands, and they jumped.  My body was filled with so many emotions....thoughts of their salvation, and thoughts of why they jumped, and was it the only way?  Thoughts of what were going through their minds.  It was just sooo sad.  And then thoughts of what I would do if I was in their shoes.  I remember thinking "Justice! We will get justice!"

   Everyone I know is mostly voting for Obama.  But because of abortion, gay marriage, and Israel, I am voting for McCain.  McCain's tells the world his views and they are similar to my values.  I am pro-life and I think marriage should be between one man and one woman only.  That is totally separate from a civil union.  And I think we should keep finding this enemy who killed our people.  The truth is that Muslims hate Israel, and they hate Christians and also they hate Americans.  If you don't believe that Muslims hate America....you have to be dumb.  Haven't you guys been watching the news several years ago about their disgust of sin and lust in America?  I've seen this hatred with my own eyes on live TV and have seen some of them burn our flag.  It got to the point of ridiculous.  They can burn our flag...but whenever some person does something like that in our country they would blow up and get so angry as to start war.  Anyways they hate Christians....if you don't believe me...then you need to seriously do some research.  Because it's found in their Koran that Christians, Jews and Gentiles are bad and do not follow their god.  I know some muslims, not all muslims are this extreme and hate America.  But extreme religious ones do, the fundamentalist Muslims.  Muslims may hate abortion, homosexuality, sexual lust, etc...but the most important thing is that the Koran allows them to kill Jews and Gentiles (which definitely includes America).  It teaches for them to not kill other Muslims...but says nothing about them killing others.  Anyway, that should be evident because of the suicide bombmers.

  If you are a Christian you should know these words.  Whoever blesses Israel, I will bless.  But whoever curses Israel, I will curse.  God said those Words in Genesis 12:3 (paraphrased).  And if you read your bible you will know that He does what He says.

Yes, our enemies are getting stronger.  By everything that is going on, their goal is to take down Israel first, then Christians, and then Americans. 

This is extra, in case you haven't noticed, Obama has a muslim name.  Muslim names are given to Muslims and others.  I know that Muslims honor these names, that's why they name their children this.  People who honor Mohammad name their children Mohammad.  This is all I will say, cuz as for now I know nothing more.  I know that he is smart and a strong political leader.  But I don't know if he is a Muslim or not...but IF he is then, God help us and if he becomes president then we Americans are doomed.  That's the reality of a Muslim running America.  I don't know, I'm just gathering facts right now....all of you should do that if you're voting.

Again I vote for McCain because he stands for the rights of an unborn child, for marriage only between a man and a woman and I don't know, but I hope he stands for Israel.

Throughout this week God has shown me the parable of the 10 virgins in Matthew 25 about five times.  It has now dawned on me and gotten into my thick head that the Holy Spirit wants me get these verses in my face and meditate on them and have an understanding of them.    I've just visited a friend's site and that was the 5th time the Holy Spirit reminded me of this verse.  I'm kind of in a panic to share the Word now.  How foolish I have been my Lord for not devoting my life to your Word.  The first time that I fell upon this parable was probably this past Thursday and I flipped opened my bible and my eyes landed on the verses,  the second time was this Friday as I stumbled across this website that was discussing specifically about this parable, the third time was this Sunday when an elder spoke on this parable, the forth time was today at 7:30 am as I was driving home and a man on a Christian channel spoke on this parable, and the fifth time was today at 2:17pm as I was reminded of this parable when my cousin wrote about Matthew 25.  Man I'm in a panic now.  Do you know what this parable means?  You have to go and read it!  It's the parable of the 10 virgins in Matthew 25: 1-13.  It talks about how Christ will take some Christians and to the rest who claim themselves to be Christians, He will say "I never knew you."  It's making me panic to share the Word of God NOW.  This is scary, but I thank God for this urgency.  Because I will never share the Word of God completely as I want to until I have this urgent feeling that time is almost up.  And it may be almost up.  But needed this.  I want to go out now and start sharing.  What if Christ came right now?....man o man...sorry God for I am dissappointing...a light that does not show others the way, salt that is not so salty at all.  (tearing up).  Make me strong Father, keep this feeling of urgency in my heart and remind me of it 24/7 so that I will share the Word as if it was the last moment.  I am afraid that people will die without knowing you, but I never really did anything these past days to proclaim your Word to them, and I'm sorry.  Give me the courage and the strength to stand in criticism and hatred.  Give me the heart Father to love these people Father, I love myself.  You know I would tell them the Truth if I loved them, You know it.  I would never ever want to go to hell for eternity without knowing that I had a Savior and a God who loves me.  Make me think about how they would feel if they were in eternity without you.  Make me think and ponder about how they will reach out to you and how You will deny them because they never knew You.  How much would that hurt if you did that to me.  Help me to love them Lord, so that will pick them up and kiss them even if they hurt me and curse me.  Forgive them for their trepasses agaisnt you Lord for they know not that You are the Lord of all creation and curse of sin is death.  God give me strenght to stand up like this until you come or until I die.  Don't let me lose sight of You, NEVER and EVER! (sniff, sniff).  This strenght is not my own.  I need you.